worthless

Help!!!
I called Josh today and when he answered he was watching a movie w/ his friends. which is cool so i told him i'd talk to him later. and he was all "what's wrong" and i mean i wanted to talk, but he wouldn't take Im okay for a answer. I was okay, i was smiling...... i mean how more OKAY can i sound?? *he said i didn't sound ok, i sounded upset* i wasn't upset..... i was fine!

Why can't i call to talk and it not be a emergency...... can i just want to talk..... guess not! Uh now i just don't want to talk to him at all....... hopefully he won't call me tonight, and I know he's going to the beach tomorrow so maybe he won't tomorrow either. I think I need to just delete his number from my phone book. I mean... AH. I'm scared I'm going to annoy him. He sounded annoyed...... like he felt "obligated" to talk to me. and I don't want that. I need to end our friendship maybe.... i don't know. ah. What's wrong with me. I'm getting attatched to him as a friend and I don't think he wants to have a friendship, he just feels obligated to be my friend. IDK what to do. if he feels obligated, than I don't want to be his friend. I mean I don't want to be a annoyance to anyone. I don't want to just be another obligation, job. geez. forget it. if he calls tonight I'm going to be like sorry I called. I don't need to talk. I'll let you get back to you own life! and hang up. but I prob won't cuz as soon as he calls i'll be happy and I don't want to be happy to talk to him. I don't want to need him as a friend. WHY do I need friends. esp when they don't need me.

:'( I'm going to just cry. cry myself to sleep. no one needs me as a friend I just hinder everyone.

I mean Darrena and miranda have moved on and obviously don't need me. Jordan and Stacie are all coupley with holly and nate. and they don't need me. heidi and josh and everyone else that hangs with them only talk to me because of FCA. they don't really want me to hang out with them just when they "run" into me they have to be nice. Al. she's my suitemate and I mean Im just here..... u know. she doesn't need me either. I'm just in the way of people.

I mean if they REALLY liked me they'd invite me to hang out, and they don't. I am just there... just a obligation to talk to..... to sit with..... to whatever........ but they'd rather just avoid me all together.

who can blame them..... i mean I wouldn't want to hang out with me either. I'm ugly, fat, no fun, obligation...... i mean who wants to be around me. no one.

:'(
I'm going to just cry myself to sleep, finish my project tomorrow.

I'm just worthless