Leaving

This is prob one of the hardest things I've had to do. I didn't get to REALLY see many people to say goodbye to and I'm crying...... but its not the normal tears of anger or whatever...... i'm just sad. and that's the only emotion I have.... i'm not used to it.

I won't see everybody for 3 months..... Its like you live in this place.... that's just a building/campus and all of asudden these perfect strangers are your family.

I'm really bad at goodbye's and it's hard.

If I stayed until tomorrow I could see josh, but I really am all packed up and ready to leave now, plus i am checking out. supposed to hours ago. This is sad and hard

:'(
Why is it so hard, it feels like I'm running away all over. How i felt the day i left, as I drove away from my house thinking it would be the last time. When I moved here, I knew i could go home only 2 hours and see my family. This is different and harder because all these people are going all over the place. I won't see some of them EVER again....... and others I won't see for 4 months........ :'(

I'm going to cry my eyes out all the way home.

I love everyone

Yeah I'm def Bi-polar

I'm EXHAUSTED
My day starting last night:
I went for a drive right...... I needed to "think" and clear my head, plus spiritually I was being "taunted". SO somehow I ended up at the church. I parked to just listen to my radio and think for a bit, it was like 1 something. I cut my engin off and was relaxing to music. Well.... stupid me fell asleep. So I woke up at ike 4am.... My battery went dead, from the radio. UH so I was like well.... I can't do anything about this right now. So I just went back asleep.... I mean I figured I'd already slept some... lol. so I wake up again at like 7:30am the sun was BRIGHT and my car turned into a oven (it got to 90 something today). So I woke up and I was like okay, I need to get outta here before someone shows up and it would just be kinda akward me being in my PJ's and sleeping in the church parkinglot. So I called Josh...... he was sleeping so he didn't answer. I called Jordan, He didn't answer but he called me back. He said he looked and was like I'll call her later than he thought about it and was like..... there is no way she just "wants to talk" at 7:30am. so He ended up coming to get me, but had no jumpercables. So we went to walmart and I bought a pair and he bought a pair and he bought other stuff 2. than we went back and jumped my car.

FUN
LOL

Than breakfast at Shouse..... than I met with andrew to disscuss the summer housing situation.

than I moved some stuff to my storage unit. than ate lunch.... than I moved more stuff to my car to put in the storage unit (heavy stuff like fridge, TV and ect) But Al, Kala, Lynn, Holly, Carrie, Courtney were going to the river to swim. So they talked me into it :-D. It was great. After I dropped off my stuff in storage. than got back 5ish.... ate dinner in shouse. I was gonna go babysit right...... at 6:30 (around 6 I left dinner)
I went and put on some clothes (still in my bathinsuite) Get ready to walk out the door, Al's like freaking out, her leg was swollen HUGE..... and she was feeling sick and it swelled up instantly from her laying down. So we, (me kala holly, cassie, and al of course) went to the hospital..... she's okay. on crutches, but she's ok. She hit it on a rock jumping into the water. Well we got back here around 8ish. so Now im exhuasted. and I've had a great day. I have to pack more (UGH, I don't like packing)
and I think Im going to pass out.

I am getting breakfast at 8:30 marsh tomorrow w/ darrena. :-D so it will be good, she FINALLY is making some time for me, even if it is 8 something AM. My away message made her feel bad or something. but eitherway.. I have to job hunt tomorrow after breakfast Than I'm getting lunch or something with caleb :-D than i have to pack more and finish up that...... and than..... CHECKING OUT and heading HOME!!!!! Until the 15 of may than I'll be back in the creek!

I want to see josh at some point but I don't know if I will. I still think I "annoy" him esp after having called him this morning, I feel bad now. but oh well I was desperate. :-D thank God for Jordan!!!
anyways
Peace out

I swear I'm Bi-polar, cuz here I go sad again

:'(
So I feel as if I have no friends
I annoy Josh
Miranda does seem to invite me anywhere or anything and just doesn't ever IM me
Darrena, lets face it she NEVER calls me back no matter what. and she doesn't have time for anyone, and she's totally been ignoring my IMs today....

everyone else is with their "friends" before summer is gone. and I'm alone. know why.... i have none. I mean people talk to me, but no one just invites me out cuz they want to chill..... NO ONE invites me ANYWHERE....... am i annoying? am i ugly? am i mean? I mean why don't people like me.

My pastor can't even answer his phone. i have no one to even talk to. I'd talk to josh but I "annoy" him it seems. and AHHH :'( we're not acually FRIENDS, he's just nice to me prob. I mean if we were friends he'd invite me out and want to talk to me just to talk not because there is something wrong. He'd want to just watch a movie or whatever, but he doesn't. He prob just feels "obligated" to "be my friend" but isn't really my friend, just talks to me if I need to talk. So now I don't want to bother him so i'm going to just sit here and cry.

Im glad schools over I have no friends anyway