Slightly......

I am slightly irritated. It's monday UHHHHH
BUT I did have a AMAZING weekend...... :-D
But first we'll do the irritated.
so.... I have problems sleeping and I freaking e-mail the "stupid campbell counselors" that I can't sleep basically. and they e-mail me back that I have to call or come by to make a appt i can't e-mail them....... WHY can't I e-mail them MAYBE just MAYBE I don't want to just call and feel like a idiot. I don't even know why I bothered. it was stupid to want help anyway God is the only one who can help me. I just want to sleep at night is that so much to ask!!!!!!! UHHHHHH What is that was a "I want to kill myself" thing I mean would they say no you can't e-mail us for help you have to call us for help. and the person would go kill themselves. It's stupid. If I want to e-mail them for help I should be able to. maybe I don't like talking on the phone to some random person/stangers about my problems. it's not as scary through e-mail. I hate people. I don't know why campbell even has a counselor is they won't help me. I mean it's supposed to be for "anything" stress, sleep, relationships, ANYTHING and they go and say No you have to contacts us blah blah.... what if I was reaching out for just a little help and they're gonna ask me to call them. Screw It. I don't need help. I'll just take sleeping pills or Nyquil or a shot of vodka before I go to bed....... they sure aren't helping. They can take my tuition money and shove it up their @$$. "we're all about you" or whatever their "moto" is screw it they can stick that us their..... along with my money. I just wanted a little help. I don't need a freaking appointment....... I'm not crazy I don't need to "talk". UHHH
Okay.... I'm taking a break before I write the rest of my blog about the weekend!!!

So I went camping this weekend and it was AWSOME!! I had so much fun fellowshiping with my church family and than FCA. I was nervouse about Saturday w/ FCA because I only knew 2 people going. and I didn't even know that all that well. but It was fun. I met people and it was really really good. I didnt' get much sleep... i stayed up talking to josh and steven till 4am..... well acually I fell asleep on josh and than later (4am) went to sleep. I was trying to stay awake...... I was interested and listening but I couldn't help it........ the 2 1/2 miles there and back with all my camping gear was fun!! I love that stuff. It wore me out though. Hiking back after I split up w./ the group to go meet my parents earlier than they were leaving was really really good. I spend alot of time with God and it was just really awsome. I love being in nature It makes me feel so much closer to God and clears my head. I've made a decision about transfering. I am staying at Campbell UNLESS I can't afford it..... if the door is forced closed than I'll go to App. but until than...... I'm staying here. I am unclear if He is telling me or something else. and He has given me different things to make me want to stay more. and He has erased the only "just" reason of going there and given me MORE on why NOT to go..... so I am going to stick to it and I know that as long as I keep focusing on Him that I will be clear. and I feel at peace with this decision so I beleive this is it. I also think.... by talking to Josh that one reason I could be feeling like this is that God is just trying to get my attention. For me to persue Him spiritually deeper and in doing so make my decision clear. and That's what I've been doing........ and I am going to continue to spend more quiet time in His word. In doing so I beleive He will make sure I am clear on Him. and I beleive that this is the correct path..... and until He shows me different I will remain at campbell. and I will spend more time with Him, in his word.

I spend Sunday night with my parents. It was really good. My dad did a workshop with popular photography. after, we had dinner the man who put it together, and another presenter and a guy who does alot with B and H. It was really cool being able to listen to them talk. I mean I was sitting there and talking to these guys. and after I was thinking " Wow I was just sitting at a table with some pretty high up photographers" and they got to see my work and just getting my foot in the door with them is a great thing. So I just feel blessed by this weekend. He was def. showing me ALOT. and I thank Him..... wow

Praise the Lord
~His Love~