Interesting few days...... and still to come more

So... to my last post. I am not irritated w/ campbell anymore..... i have a meeting w/ the lady... and I wrote her back what I thought....... a slight milder version of the post..... but yeah.
Anyways... Warning...... I am out of it.... I have a cucusion. I can't spell either. I can't remember things very well. so... deal w/ me for now. I want to write how I feel being in the state of confusion.
Well I know Monday I flipped off my chair. I layed there on the ground and everything was black I could hear my radio still. I tried to yell for Al, my suitmate. but I couldn't get loud... it sounded like a whisper. I gave up after a lil bit of trying. I just layed there and prayed for help.... I don't know how long I layed there. I just remember thinking I'd be there all night or forever. I couldn't move. I than hear the best sound I have ever heard in a long time. Someone knocked at my door. It took EVERY ounze of energy to yell come in. she said she heard me but it wasn't loud. Danielle who i don't know very well, was dropping off a cell lab to me for heidi who had just sent her to my room. she found me on the floor. she than got heidi and I don't know who else..... i know the RA and RD but I couldn't see well, I sat up. it was weird. nothing hurt at all. I mean my head. they put ice on it but i couldn't feel the cold. it was weird. they took me to the hospital. I got a CT scan..... and nothing major just a minor cuncusion. But I still can't remember things. like number........ birthday, my seat, my SS#, my phone number, any numbers really. I keep having to look the up. It's weird I forget times and where things are and when im supposed to go to class and such.
It's scary... not being able to think about something you KNOW. I've broken down in tears a few times...... well more than a few. but EVERYONE has been such a blessing. OMG I could not have gotten through this without everyone. People's prayers are so much appreciated too I mean I don't want to leave campbell. I need these people all of them!!!
I mean Heidi stayed the night and woke me up every 2 hours and got me to take meds through out the night. and got me to CUW and find my seat. Josh talking to my instructor for lab. Danielle for finding me!!! She also came to the hospital and I'm going to her lab tonight. that I missed. Jordan and Stacie have been a GREAT help, reminding me where to eat and reminding me of EVERYTHING..... and some made up stuff *cough cough jordan* lol. I know we didn't switch cell phones before I hit my head HA HA. My RA Holly has helped me and my Suite mate oh Al. I love Al. KJ one of the pastors has called me to check on me multiple times and offer me help as well as Jessie. I just don't know what I need.... I'm really out of it. Everyone's been there for me. Darrena and miranda and So many people I cna't even think. Chealsea heard from lawrence who Idk that well. wow things travel fast among groups here. In a good way. I have people praying for me. It's awsome. Dr. bartlett and Dr. metz helped me yesterday some. it's just amazing. I have a Interview tomorrow I pray that I can do well on. I hope I have enough memory back. cuz I don't know the name or person or number to call and reschedual :-(. My mom and dad have been really worried. it's scary that's for sure.

I just pray that God will bless every single person for they're prayers, help, in minor to big ways they all mean ALOT to me. I know I'm forgetting people that I just can't think of. UHH it's fustrating. anyways I have a meeting or something to go to....... i'll ttyl

God.... Thank you for sending a rescuer. You look out for me, Your arms are always wrapped around me and I know that. Thank You Lord

Slightly......

I am slightly irritated. It's monday UHHHHH
BUT I did have a AMAZING weekend...... :-D
But first we'll do the irritated.
so.... I have problems sleeping and I freaking e-mail the "stupid campbell counselors" that I can't sleep basically. and they e-mail me back that I have to call or come by to make a appt i can't e-mail them....... WHY can't I e-mail them MAYBE just MAYBE I don't want to just call and feel like a idiot. I don't even know why I bothered. it was stupid to want help anyway God is the only one who can help me. I just want to sleep at night is that so much to ask!!!!!!! UHHHHHH What is that was a "I want to kill myself" thing I mean would they say no you can't e-mail us for help you have to call us for help. and the person would go kill themselves. It's stupid. If I want to e-mail them for help I should be able to. maybe I don't like talking on the phone to some random person/stangers about my problems. it's not as scary through e-mail. I hate people. I don't know why campbell even has a counselor is they won't help me. I mean it's supposed to be for "anything" stress, sleep, relationships, ANYTHING and they go and say No you have to contacts us blah blah.... what if I was reaching out for just a little help and they're gonna ask me to call them. Screw It. I don't need help. I'll just take sleeping pills or Nyquil or a shot of vodka before I go to bed....... they sure aren't helping. They can take my tuition money and shove it up their @$$. "we're all about you" or whatever their "moto" is screw it they can stick that us their..... along with my money. I just wanted a little help. I don't need a freaking appointment....... I'm not crazy I don't need to "talk". UHHH
Okay.... I'm taking a break before I write the rest of my blog about the weekend!!!

So I went camping this weekend and it was AWSOME!! I had so much fun fellowshiping with my church family and than FCA. I was nervouse about Saturday w/ FCA because I only knew 2 people going. and I didn't even know that all that well. but It was fun. I met people and it was really really good. I didnt' get much sleep... i stayed up talking to josh and steven till 4am..... well acually I fell asleep on josh and than later (4am) went to sleep. I was trying to stay awake...... I was interested and listening but I couldn't help it........ the 2 1/2 miles there and back with all my camping gear was fun!! I love that stuff. It wore me out though. Hiking back after I split up w./ the group to go meet my parents earlier than they were leaving was really really good. I spend alot of time with God and it was just really awsome. I love being in nature It makes me feel so much closer to God and clears my head. I've made a decision about transfering. I am staying at Campbell UNLESS I can't afford it..... if the door is forced closed than I'll go to App. but until than...... I'm staying here. I am unclear if He is telling me or something else. and He has given me different things to make me want to stay more. and He has erased the only "just" reason of going there and given me MORE on why NOT to go..... so I am going to stick to it and I know that as long as I keep focusing on Him that I will be clear. and I feel at peace with this decision so I beleive this is it. I also think.... by talking to Josh that one reason I could be feeling like this is that God is just trying to get my attention. For me to persue Him spiritually deeper and in doing so make my decision clear. and That's what I've been doing........ and I am going to continue to spend more quiet time in His word. In doing so I beleive He will make sure I am clear on Him. and I beleive that this is the correct path..... and until He shows me different I will remain at campbell. and I will spend more time with Him, in his word.

I spend Sunday night with my parents. It was really good. My dad did a workshop with popular photography. after, we had dinner the man who put it together, and another presenter and a guy who does alot with B and H. It was really cool being able to listen to them talk. I mean I was sitting there and talking to these guys. and after I was thinking " Wow I was just sitting at a table with some pretty high up photographers" and they got to see my work and just getting my foot in the door with them is a great thing. So I just feel blessed by this weekend. He was def. showing me ALOT. and I thank Him..... wow

Praise the Lord
~His Love~

Never a Dull Moment......

So.... my life is never dull...... ever ever.
I love my suit mate and my friends but latley.... idk.... i am praying for patience.

Last week... Thursday night. BTW I had a BIG BIG cell/molecular test fri morning. I get back to my room and I'm studying....... I hate cell... i really do. i am BAD at it. well... anyways I'm. studying next thing I know my suite mate has friends over...... and they were watching a game i think being LOUD......... which I am usually fine with but I was studying. so anyways i'm like whatever i'll just study. than I head rucus... and she was doing something on her computer and it froze and she punch the living crap out of it....... alcohol..... no judgement. so she than wants to throw it out the window cuz now it's BROKE. so I took it into my closet and kept it from further damage. well they decide to go clubbing. TY!! so i study.... they get back to the room about 1 and I was getting ready for some sleep. and suitmate drank IDK what...... but it made her violent. So there were also cops outside for something else and she wanted to "talk" to them..... and I was keeping her in the room...... and for no reason she punches me..... like quite a few times. I was slightly salty. *mad* well next thing I know she runs out of the room... get her in and she FINALLY passes out on the floor. another girl who was drunk as well is sleeping in the room w/ her. so they both pass out...... :-D YES sleep time right!!! and its prob about 2 now.... I have big cell test the next day.... which I was going to wake up 2 hours before and review some more. nevertheless.... 4am.... i hear "COLUCCI COLUCCI GET UP GET UP" and it was my suite mate..... she goes THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER!!! HELP.
So...... needless to say I jump outta bed i'm thinking the worst.... get over there..... all I'll say is I don't know what she drank or took or whatever but she was NOT good. She went to the hospital. she's okay now. finally get back to sleep..... and i think the alarm went off LOL.
Well After my test I had a interview at home so I rushed home....... I sliced my finger open..... TO THE BONE!!!! and yeah. sucks! weekend was good at home.
I didn't want to come back so I came on Monday..... I got back Just intime for class. OH BTW, I missed my anatomy class Fri cuz of my test...... I was studying for it. and so I get to anatomy.... and we have a quiz AHH and I def didn't study for it. BUT I got 2 or the 3 questions right...... *they're for our next test* anyways.. not pleasent. THAN I got my anatomy test BACK..... UHH I failed......... :'( not cool. so I finally get through my next 2 classes. I still hadnt been to my room I go to my car to drive and get a quick lunch before my lab..... and well..... i left my lights on and it was dead. AHHh just GREAT. so Jordan picked me up and I got lunch and than lab...... than I talked to Dr. Bartlett and he is trying to convince me not to transfer. I'm still not sure.... and that's another issue. anyways Will came and got my jeep running. thank God!!

Well that night I didn't get much done..... suitemate kept me up a while........ got some studying for my anatomy Practicle the next morning. Well.... yeah Def knew everything on it..... but I think I miss spelled everything on it....... that's not good I know. so I think I failed. which really sux cuz If I did...... i'm prob not passing the class for the semester. UHHHHHHHHH
well CUW was AMAZING and GOOD so that was good..... and I studied all day until 3pm for Botany which I had today. I than went to dinner...... which was Amazing too. I love my church family. It was such a releif to me. To get to fellowship with people that I can talk to..... and I feel like I have a family. To get away from this campus is much much needed. esp than. It was def a blessing we cancelled the week before I needed it yeasterday!
anyways..... I get back from dinner. its bout 1045. and i was going to study for botany. I called out to my suite mate to see how she was..... well next thing I hear is her friends in the hallway saying... "Help us..... al's going to beat... so and so's ass" Uhhh so that sharade..... turned into a LATE night. I mean it was good. I got her calmned down...... we talked alot about self-control through God and the Holy Spirit. we read scripture and talked about sexual imorality and drinking and such. and bout 2am she left.... and I layed down....... and about 3 she comes back from seeing a guy.... and she goes Colucci..... I didn't sleep with him!! i didn't do it!! SO that was DEF a plus!!!! I was very proud of her. even tho i was sleeping. I wake up this morning at 6 and studied more botany...... I studied through my 2 classes before it. BUT I went to class....... just studied during them. I think i did good on the test!! I'm excited to find out. I got my cell test back though....... before I took my botany one..... UHHHH I def failed it HORRIBLY. like I think I would of done better statisticlly if I would of randomly picked answers. I def got a 11.5% and NO that's not a typo....... i suck. THAN..... before we took botany...... dr. metz was just "talking or whatever" and he said somethign of the line "I head the cell test was really hard. The lowest grade was an 11...... I don't see how someone could score that low... i don't understand it....... I guess they never listen or study..... My test shouldn't be too hard......" than he passed them out. I don't think he had a clue it was me with the 11.... :'( After class he said How'd u do on cell? I said "I dont' want to talk about it and walked away" Uhh I feel like I am the stupidest person in the WORLD right now....... what is up w/ that........ I feel so stupid. am i? I hate Cell Biology. ERRRRRR *evil look at cell book* I don't know how I'm going to get through college........ retaking courses...... i'll be here for 8 years and get a bachelor degree. lol.
Well today...... I babysat at grace which was fun. than I got a movie... figured I'm done w/ test.... im "celebrating" my 11.5%!! I got chocolate and a movie....... :-D lol than........ mid movie suitemate comes over and I've been up tutoring her for her statistics class tomorrow........ she's freaking out she's gonna fail and I'm good at statistics....... so it's 1:30am again........ and I have a lab at 9am....... Oh I love my life......... But I really do!!

There's never a dull moment eh?


Also....... my friend here at campbell are amazing people and I love them
But some of them, 2 in paticular have kinda not purposely "ditched" me but yeah. I mean we used to hang out alot and such.... and one just started dating her first BF and now she doesn't have time for me or the other girl. I'm happy for her...... I just worry she's going to hurt friend and push them away. I know myself.... and I know that no matter what she does...... I'll be there to support her.... even if she pushed me away. I just don't want her to make her new bf her "life" because letting a guy take all your time right off the bat isn't healthy.... you still have to have a life. I worry she's going to make mistakes i made... and try and make it a serious relationship too soon. You don't want to go from Hi let's date to acting like a married couple..... been there done that ends BAD. usually.

Than the other girl has a guy that they've been "talking" for the past 3 months. going on 4. all 4 of these people..... my other friend and her new bf and this girl and this guy are strong Christians. I just wish that my friend and this guy...... mostly this guy. they need to stop hangin out and basically acting like bf and gf (not kissing and such just always over late at night and all) and I am just worried, they're at the point they need to go one way or the other......... and I worry for her heart. I worry that they are not morally being "right" because they both obviously like eachother they're just ignoring it. and the way they're acting is just not right..... outside of a relationship. I mean its not anything sinful just not right in my opinion and my friend has said so to. I think she just needs to either walk away or jsut spit it out that she likes him...... he hints about it all the time and tried to get her to say it. but he won't say it either. fustrates me i guess I just want to protect her from getting hurt. but I know that's not my job. That's God's. anyways......

they're both "pre-occupied" with their situations......... and I feel a little on the back burner which is okay..... i just feel alone a little bit...... but yet....... so much going on...... which is kinda why i need a good friend....... but they're busy...... :( anyways
tha'ts my rant


Thank You Lord for the patience and self-control You granted me. Thank You Lord, for the grace of letting me be able to help others....... and keeping me in check by showing me how "stupid" I still am. I love You Lord.... Your love mercy and grace!!
Thank you for today...... Let me sleep in peace!

Melissa